The Most Evil Thing and Other Obscure Being

I spend most days feeling weary for nothing. I lay in bed all day long, pretending to be busy with life on the line. In fact, what my mind do is just wandering endlessly in the realm of fantasy, away from the bitter truth of life.

I decide to see myself in the mirror, for I believe that my hair would've looked more like a bird's nest than only a lion's fur. What I see is something much worse. 

I see the most evil being is looking back, straight at me. It is no surprise, for I have realized that this being have crept inside of me for the long years I've lived. What actually makes me feel astonished is the fact that the evil being who usually hides away from the world's eyes, now starts to make its way out for everyone to see. It's no longer a blurred image; I can see it. It is literally me. 

Then I see its laughter; the most devilish grin I've ever seen. Welcome to the destruction, it says gleefully. 

Come with me. I'll show you what despair means, 'til you have no choice but to cut the string out of your life. 

I know that you've been too far from your dreams. You've lost the goals you aspire the most. Like Fantine said in Les Mis, life has killed the dream I dream, you say so to yourself. 

Come, let's run away. Giving up is not bad, tho. I just wanna make you feel comfortable, it says. 

Yet another part of me, the faintest sound I could barely capture, says something to the evil being. 

What do you know about comfort? 

You know that the world ain't a place to rest. I'll take her with me now. Even if it means that she ought to shed more bloods in herself, she will gladly do it.

And so, what else could I do but to follow my conscience?

I know I'm bleeding, but it's no worse than those real fighters out there.

I know I am full of scars, but it doesn't make me unable to undo my past mistakes. 

I know I am weak, but the real weakness of me is at the heart's place. The poor mind and body that are enslaved by the empty wishes and the unwillingness to make sacrifices. 

What more do you want, when your Lord have guided you so many times, given you plenty of His bounty, but you only manage to do so little and be rejectful instead? 

Even if you have your sin as much as the foams in the ocean, He shall forgives. How, you say, that it's not very kind of Him? 

He never leaves you, ever. Now the voice is clearer as it takes my trembling hand. 

Let's fall for the seventh times and get up at the eighth. 

That way, the evil being starts to take a step back. I know for sure that it ain't gonna leave me, but at the very least, I'll keep an eye on it. 

And oh, wait. The voice other than the evil one says, 

Don't wait for someone to catch you if you fall, 'cause you're most likely gonna end up waiting forever. You have you. You put the faith in Him. That's all. 

And in the dark and cold room, a dim light starts illuminating very slightly.